i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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