Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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