Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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