im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Randomize
