You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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