Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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