i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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