Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
