just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
