No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Randomize
