Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
