She's JV to your varsity
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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