my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I have aggressive nipples.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
