hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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