do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
