Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
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