I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
