You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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