U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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