For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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