ya dads aren't the best wingmen
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize