she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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