i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
