so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
She just used a chaser for red wine.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
