Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
She announced her abortion via fbk
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Randomize
