Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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