its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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