And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
