Who wears a wallet chain?!
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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