So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
