I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
