i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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