did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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