so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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