I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
