My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
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