road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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