seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
