dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
