My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
