My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
