Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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