So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
