I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
