Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
