Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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