Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
