luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
ok first of all what the fuck
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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