Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
