sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
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