Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
