You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Randomize
