finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
