I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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