mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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