My cat gives me a boner
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
